majored in boxing,
	did an M.A. at Plymouth Rock
	and started the legend of Cropsie.
he waited on tables at Comedy U.
	while forging a Ph.D. on the Asian Flu.
he caused a panic in '29.
	kept the grapes of wrath in wine-
	broke the lock on the Reichstag,
	labeled the Ten Commandments a mixed bag.
he made the documents ecumenical
	then went to work for Hooker Chemical.
	with Brookie he rode the Jordache horse,
	without a bra made her run the course.
he hired cossacks,
	danced at the Ritz,
	ordered Heineken, but paid for Schlitz.
he went to the ropes in the seventh
he rounded the wheel...
he got Mrs. Robinson alone 
	and copped a feel.
he gave Ben Franklin the gout
	and left the people of Palestine without.
he lectured Moses, laid on some bread,
	beat Crazy Eddie with rubber hoses
	and on a TV closeout came out ahead.
	Fourth of July, "that's my bag!"
he tried to sew an American flag,
	but found pins and needles without any thread.
he's got a season's box to root the L.A. Rams,
	cheerleaders chime, "if he can't do it, no one can."
he was a witch doctor of babies
	and a killer of the ladies.
	on the Caine Mutiny,
	Queeg the Skipper,
	"are you Mary Clark?"
	screamed Jack the Ripper.
he took summer at camp,
	pulled a raid on the girls swimming
	in the raw,
he stole a canoe, sank a raft
	and started Color War.
he devised the standardized tests
	ten million students swore,
he ran it through the mixer fixer
	and always came out best.